"I believe connecting for human beings is not just important but imperative, and it is about more than similar interests. It is about what is alive at the center of our beings, about getting at the truest parts of one another.”

Saturday, March 19, 2016

My Thoughts on Blog Post: 15 Mother-In-Law Behaviors That Deserve A Punch In The Face

As a mother-in-law of 5 whopping years I have been wanting to address these type articles and posts that crop up ever so often.

I’m fortunate to have a wonderful, not 100% perfect, but very sweet daughter-in-law who went to college, was a fantastic softball player, is pretty, and a hard worker....hahahaha (a little family funny there).
I’d give her a 98% and rising ;)

Are things perfect in our relationship?
But we talk, cry, laugh and get on with it.
There will always be stuff, that’s life.
Not letting “stuff" build up and being able to cry and laugh are very helpful.
But truth is, people are just different and we are all hopefully growing day by day.

Give the blog post a read and see what you think. I realize it is written with a touch of sarcassism.
But why?

                                                15 Mother-In-Law Behaviors 
                                        That Deserve a Punch in the Face

I could not in good conscience pass up the opportunity to review this post.

Anyways, here is what I have been wanting to say from a mother-in-law's perspective about this subject of young women (particularly this blogger) writing about their experiences with their mother-in-laws.

Although there are cases where you might marry and become the fortunate daughter-in-law of the mother-in-law form hell. Most likely NOT! And these type posts make out that this is the everyday experience for all daughters-in-law.

I don't buy it. NOT in this day and time of blatant issues with entitlement and narcissism. 

Relationships are work! 

How does the writer of this post ever expect her mother-in-law to please her or to measure up? And does she have a right to expect her to? How could her mother-in-law ever measure up now that this writer has set her own standards in stone which she expects another individual to live by?

Writing this post is a tell-tale sign that this daughter-in-law does not get it (if you know what I mean).

Let me begin by asking, where is this young woman's compassion, her understanding, her grace and forgiveness, her willingness to get a long, to be friends? In the entire post I read the writer did not reveal one redeeming quality I can apply to her.

When it comes to marriage and the blending of two families there really is more to it than jumping in the sack and playing house. And truth is this writer did on her own accord decide to step right smack into the middle of another family dragging along with her her own family as well. Her choice, right?
It really does take effort on every person’s part to make relationships in a marriage work which by the way includes all three families involved.

This is far from the first time I have read such a post. And always there is this stark reality about these young women that hits me smack in the heart awakening my compassion for them. It is quite apparent there is a total unawareness that more than 2 people are involved in their marriage. And they are struggling in the dark, losing the battle for their marriages, they do not see what is ahead if they do not wake up.

There is this glaring FACT told by their actions in writing these type posts that they are in reality stating they do not want to be a part of their husband’s family no matter what they say otherwise. They do not get what they are actually revealing about themselves and should search their own hearts for the truth.

These young women do not get that not unlike like two grape vines torn from the earth and spliced together to make a new wine, she and her husband. the two of them, have now joined themselves and two completely different families together for a lifetime by means of their marriage. The families did not ask to be a part of any union. Couples are not islands unto themselves as much as they would like to live each day giddy and alone with one another. They are a part of a whole.

Let me offer a few words about how she might ought to think about the situation.

Each new stage in life, marriage here particularly is about:
What can I learn from these new people and experiences in my life?
How can my choices make me a better person?
How can I become a part of my new family I chose and helped to create?

Couples should realize from the start there is responsibility that comes along with that “I do”.

These writers set themselves up as "centers of their worlds".  Oblivious that life does not revolve around one person's wishes and desires. Albeit each person’s own plans are important they are not the center of everyone else's life. To think that way reveals a very spoiled outlook.

I would guess that any mother-in-law to this young woman would never have a chance to meet her unspoken (although now published) and unreasonable expectations. This young woman has just set herself up for a lifetime of misery for herself, her husband she declares to love, and the families on both sides who had no choice in the matter of the union.

This is what false expectations can offer people. A mother-in-law and a new daughter-what could you rightly expect from two people who have lived lives apart, from different generations, with different experiences, different backgrounds, different hurts, different victories, different understandings of love, respect, honor, family, home life, woman-hood. One woman has lived many years, the other even though she feels she is old and wise has lived in comparison a short period of time.

It takes communication and understanding over time in order to forge new relationships. No one expects two people to become alike. Differences are good. Difference offer strength. Where two are alike one is not necessary. Learn to overlook small grievances, give grace, learn the art of leaning in to others strengths, and how to allow them to lean into your strengths. We are all weak and need others. How can we be grateful and thankful people otherwise?

It might do the young woman good to know that her mother-in-law has walked her path and stood in her shoes. Perhaps her mother-in-law is attempting to dance a dance with an uncomfortable, clumsy, left handed lead. The mother-in-law may be a little out of step, not hear the music quite the same, step on the other person’s toes-but I can assure you that mother-in-law wants to continue the dance because she knows in her heart her son loves this person and that mother is grateful for the joy the young wife offers her son. She understands that he found a person to face life with both the pleasant and the difficult. She knows one day she might not be there and she is assured her son has another heart to care for him, one he loves as he once loved her, his mom-completely. That love allowed the mom to let go and to be able to say, "job well done".

A word about moms and parents in general letting go of their children. Parents don’t disappear when young people get married. They do not stop caring, loving, hoping, praying for them. They are still there when needed, although they take a step back, they pause a bit longer before offering their assistance. And if they overhear a disagreement in front of them, they hold their tongues, maybe bite them quite often. Actually, we live with sore tongues. But we know we traveled that road and as a matter of fact in retrospect applaud our own parents. However, there might be a time when unfair things are being said or done between child and spouse in front of them, and they decide to take the chance and step in for a moment to hopefully help avoid damage they know from experience is imminent if the situation is not addressed just then. There is no right or wrong in that. The parents know the young people cannot see what they have not experienced and they just choose to face the music of intentions being misunderstood.

One more thing. Mothers, good mothers, maybe the "best of mothers", do not think their children perfect. Good mothers look for and focus to see the best in their children. Isn’t is said we will find what we are looking for? Isn’t that what we are suppose to do for all people? Isn’t that what you would hope a mother-in-law would offer to do for you…to see past the glaring faults, to offer to lift you up by seeking out the goodness hidden inside of your heart versus the words or actions you might display?

This mother-in-law can tell you from her own experience she wished that this was how it had been for her. And although not perfect at doing so strives to offer this grace to the hearts of her own children’s mates as well as her own children.

Let me pause here to say I did not read anything in this current post to lead me to believe this writer held a belief in Jesus Christ. So, I am probably holding her to a standard she is not empowered to attain. We can tend to forget at times the stark difference between those who belong to his kingdom and those who belong to this darkened world. If by chance she does in fact know Jesus, I would say she is being influenced from outside forces in her thinking. She might do well to seek wiser counsel on the subject than those who are struggling with their own issues, projecting their own hardness of heart, and commiserating in self pity.

If is difficult to be newlyweds. It is as well difficult to be in-laws.
Young married couples will understand it all one day about 20 years down the road.

All becomes clear in time they say. And they are right!
We live and we learn.

Just one mother-in-laws thoughts on this subject.

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Wednesday, March 16, 2016

GOP and media lunes at it again this time with claim of stock crash when Trump elected

Can't believe people would ever believe the BS propaganda floating about out there about Trump and a crash in stocks should he be elected and implement his policies..
Under Obama and past others, we have experienced "corrections" in the stock market. However, let's call it a crash if Trump were in office.
First, do republicans want the status quo of Obama and this Republican "leadership currently in place? Then just leave Obama in office or let's just hire HIllary.
But if anyone believes there can be real change without upsetting the economy and society in order to get well they are DELUSIONAL.
If you have an infection in your body and you take the RIGHT antibiotic guess what the first thing is that occurs. The infection gets upset, disturbed and can appear worse at first. That process is actually how doctors know they have the right medicine to do the job.
Actually what Trump is telling us (without telling us just planning on fixing it) is this. Our leadership the past many decades has moved our country towards a global economy. How has that worked for us so far? Who ever thought to make our economy reliant on others around the world doing well was a nut.
If Christians do not understand the danger in that then don't expect the rest of the world to get it.
Politicians have been running our country like America was the top side of a huge worldwide corporation. Sounds cool, huh? Except what I mentioned a moment ago. We do not have similar beliefs and ideals, integrity, character traits as other countries around the globe. They may not play fair. And they all do not. They can and do pull the legs out from beneath the table of our economy. Look at the EU and the dollar. Look at China's affect on us most recently.
Trump's policies would provide stability to America once again. Less dependence on the rest of the world. He is not saying we bail on the rest of the world. Yet, you cannot give away what you do not posses. We can't help others if we can't help ourselves first. America was called a leader not out of arrogance but because we were able to help others because we were strong.
Do people REALLY believe that we can go from a 21TRILLION DOLLAR deficit (thank you Obama and this republican leadership), Obamacare, the civil unrest, squashed military, mess the veterans are experiencing, Iran deal, N. Korean Kim-no-nut situation, persecution of Christians, all the nuts running around wanting something for nothing (that's called magic and does not really happen) , insanity of people changing genders and telling us we will like it, and all the other crud Obama has penned and schemed to unleash on America-all without a period of "seemingly" crisis or hardship and adjustments?
You would have to be nuts to think such a thing.
And what is it people think America is going to look like now?
Anyone who believes any candidate can promote and offer real change without disruption is deceiving himself.
Give a kindergartener a messy situation with a lot of paint, ink, mud, and ask him to clean it up and he will bawk because he knows when he goes to wipe it up it will smear and he will be getting dirty cleaning it up.
A 5 year old knows you must get a little dirty to clean a mess up!!!! A 5 year old.
Why can't adults realize this concept?
If people think that a "Constitutional" debater can offer this country what it needs then go ahead and work against the one "person" who can pump life back into America. The person who can change trade policies, get America back to producing, create jobs, create revenue, build teams to answer the issues of education, military, healthcare.
Or, just go ahead and hire the person who has talked about it all.
The American people are at fault here. We allowed this mess to occur. And guess what? The American people will endure the medicine it takes to heal.
And PRAY, by all means pray for our country. But realize what you are actually praying for. If I recall correctly...prayer changes us. 
We asked God for a king. We will be the ones to hire our king. 
God changes us. Get these 2 realities straight to start.
We best not delude ourselves again into thinking we are hiring a savior to be president of these United States.

Why I Love to Hate Economists in General:

Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. 
The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. 
The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. 
The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"

NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.
Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.
Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on the wage rate.
Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
Beginning to get the idea?

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Friday, February 12, 2016

Flawed 21st century idea of compromise and its solution

I love it when people offer me the opportunity to philosophically unload on them by asking me to "compromise".
I let them know in no uncertain terms that "I do not compromise".

A compromise is simply when people know what is right and convince someone to go against their better judgement.

One of the fundamental parts of integrity and character that I ever learned was about...

You can learn about the ideal of not compromising. However, the ability to live out a life of no compromising cannot be learned. I am referencing the power behind it all.

Once upon a time this was praised and valued highly and held to equate good character, a person of their word. I may get a lot wrong still, but I pray never this.

These past couple of decades have seen people fall pry to some dangerous thinking.

This girl is still pro--->

Just how do we avoid "the compromise"? 
The old school of "true debate" will assist in uncovering facts that offer breakthrough during dead-locks.

The Anti-21st Century Debate
(the non-compromising way to the correct outcome or decision)

It is quite evident that today's version of debate simply does not work!
Quite frankly, no form of debate will ever work when the people debating hold no principles, flawed integrity, and lack genuine character, and no spine!

However, with sound principles, integrity, and superior character debate offers hope to truth winning out once again utilizing debate.
Supremely, a person who debates for highest and best resolutions requires courage 

How does debate function in the most simple terms?

First, state and support your topic, Then lay out your facts and argument. Next, those who oppose will refute and support opposing views offering facts or solutions.

The win occurs when one or both parties experiences the epiphany that a prior held fact is revealed to be faulty or the better way becomes evident for various reasons, out-dated information, information lacked support, etc.

There is a change in direction due to change in facts, thereby the parties experience a two-sided win.

In Stark Contrast is -“the Compromise”

Woe, the compromise. Compromise is when one side or both parties gives in to some degree during argument.  Compromise is where one or both gives up something they previously held as right, just or necessary.  They choose to do so in order to obtain something they perceive as now more valuable out of a deal aside of their initial win for justice or the highest and best decision or resolution.

There is a change in direction due to a trade-off, no win, and not necessarily any change in facts.

There is a call out today to return to high moral character, integrity, and principles that we can pass down from generation to generation.

In truth these type, high standards, must be a natural part of each of us. These standards cannot be faked, earned, or learned. They stream from one place only.

How do we get there?
Matthew 6:33

Monday, November 25, 2013

Embrace the child-like joy of Santa

Don't you love Santa? 

He lights up the hearts of children of all ages. 
What a joy he offers for the holidays and year round. 
Once people are delivered from the fear of usurping Jesus at Christmastime they can really begin to enjoy 

Christmas is a time God gave to us for joy, and a time he has used to teach us how to give and to receive.

I look forward all year to welcome the Christmas season by decorating for the holidays.
This is one way I express my love for family and friends. Decorating is a personal gift I offer to each of them. I can hardly wait for the time to pull out our Santa and sit him along with one of his elves on our front stoop 

There by our front door Santa waits to welcome guests to our home during the holidays.
What joy we are offered each wintery holiday season as Santa arrives on the scene.

Yes there is a lesson here?

Make sure we have Jesus first in our lives.
Then enjoy to the fullest gift of Santa to this world.

So, go ahead, shop until you drop if you will.
Giving a well thought gift is an expression of our love for those we hold dear.
With each gift given we ignite a small light in this weary and often dark world.
The act of giving to others is a gift we give to our own hearts as well.
Giving is at the very heart of God, so why would we question the goodness of Santa?

Doesn’t the spirit of Santa express God’s heart for us as well?
Receive and drink in the spirit of Christmas allowing it to wash over you, and then give it away.

Don't allow the skeptics to steal Santa’s offering of joyful whimsy for you and your family during this season of light.


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Monday, March 11, 2013

Goodness is good when it points us to its author

Nice is killing society  . . . 

I think people have become so deceived into following this "let's be nice to everyone", "let's pump everyone up and tell them how good they are", "grant them grace" until the point that they no longer understand how to address the false ideas floating around these days. 

We have become a society of enablers.

I think everyone can agree that a situation where people are not being harassed, or torn down is a place where people can hear their conscience, God. But there is a definite reason why people have mouths as well, to use them to help one another.

Are people simply afraid to stand up for truth and righteousness anymore? 
No wonder we have a confused society.
It appears society no longer even understands what is right, wrong, false or true.

Yes, we can affirm that goodness is ours to claim, but we do so by choosing to live and acknowledge that God is the one who placed goodness inside of us. Don't forget that last most important part. God is the power of goodness inside of each of us, yet it is a choice to be made. And yes, we should most definitely stand as called beside others while they are learning truth, because we all are on a learning curve. That's one thing, but to stand by and allow people to live in deception is cruel to that person and to society. To tell someone that they are good (knowing that most people will believe you to be talking about their behavior) when in fact they are in need of some truth, is hurtful, dangerous and I believe we judge ourselves each time we do this to another person. Society is now showing evidence of that "good" work. I believe it is an affront unto God himself. It allows for confusion to continue on the inside of that person who is not living in truth, and in turn they pour out confusion on the world. 
Goodness comes from somewhere. its author is God.
Now how we address this in an one on one situation is different where we know the condition of that persons relationship with God, and are praying, standing, waiting for revelation which convicts and converts. We know the author and finisher of our faith and wait on his timing.

I am referring to these blasts from pulpits, social media, people wanting to sell books and make money off telling you how good you are without addressing the real issue. Truth is, that is only half the story. Yes, God is big and is the one who changes us, but if these same people having issues continue to hear blasts of "I am okay just as I am" without hearing the why they are okay, then someone is going to pay the piper for the damage that causes. These hurting people who believe they are okay, then have to overcome the blasts of half truths in order to hear they need God. We all need God. But buddy everyone wants to hear they are okay and will lay their hard earned cash out there! I would not want to be the recipient of that karma.

Reality is it takes time and a relationship with God for lasting change that has the power to redeem an entire life and make one whole. Just tell the entire story. People are good because God created them with worth, value, and he lives and is in all things especially the inside of each of those who choose to accept Him in their own lives.

People who continue to live a life of lies most likely have wandered so far from truth they can no longer see the differentiation between the two. How horrid to leave them in that place. What a hell we leave them to if we fail to offer God as the answer. 

I choose to offer my help by saying when something is not true, and pointing that person in the right direction. Then, if they turn on me, I am still good. I will have done what is called of me. I will have planted a seed of truth. I will not live in deception, lies, half truths, flattering, only pumping people up where they have no knowledge of who they are and where they fall short, that is nice, but it is not kindness. To leave a person in that place is not a good thing.

There is no blanket best answer that calls for just throwing either idea out there as what is right, just, as if either alone is the answer to all of societies woes.

We know we cannot save or change other people. We can only offer aid to them as we see the harm which lays out in front of them, point them to the light, pray, stand with them as we are called and hope they choose God over darkness.

Goodness is good when it is pointing to the author of goodness . . . God.

We should not assume everyone understands this.
It is not a matter of forcing anyone else to a belief, but offering them hope by stating the fact that we find our salvation and goodness in God.

I may not have it all right. 
However, I do understand the difference between a lie or the truth, being nice or offering kindness, being or doing good or God.

Anyone else love the Truth, the Word of God?

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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Once Upon a Time, the fairytale. Elusive, or is it?

I love the new series on television Sundays at 7 pm Central in Nashville on ABC, Once Upon a Time.

It did not take me long to realize the story was a familiar one. People trapped in a world where most are unaware that they do not belong there, something is amiss. They do not realize that there is another world for which they were meant to be a part, the place of "fairytales" where life had been created and designed with them in mind, a world for which their hearts longed, where relationships flourished and love would win out.
Once Upon a Time's story is one of deception
revealing that even in the fairytale evil lerked
in Storybrooke it had gone unnoticed that good and evil had all but switched places  
 however evil only reigns for a day
 and what evil had intended to kill will return to set things right
 there would once again be hope for the fairytale
With this ever familiar theme there is another thought we might find helpful to remember.
In our world today there are still fairytales just as in the story books. If you will notice more closely the tales are not so different from our own stories of real life. You have the characters both good and evil, the dream, the flaw, the conflict and battle, then good wins out as they attain for the moment the "fairytale." For some reason we have failed to perceive that it is only in words which we are ever told, "and they lived happily after after..." We never get to see that part! Happily ever after remains a promise.

Maybe one of the things we could learn from "Once Upon a Time" is to grab and live the moments of the "fairytale." I think we hold out for and demand the "happily ever after" at the cost of missing the "fairytale" moments which we have been given here and now. The many moments with family and friends we love dearly, a child's hug and soft kisses, their smiles and giggles. What about the breathtaking views of the magnificent world about us at days break and evenings sunset? Then there is the kiss and embrace of your lover as he holds you safe in his arms. Or, hearing the words for the first time, really hearing in your heart that another "loves you". All stuff of which fairytales are made!

Don't miss the fairytale moments by looking so far out in front of you for the happily ever after.
The fairytale may not be as elusive as you think.

Do you find yourself waiting for the happily ever after rather than enjoying the amazing moments of your life each day?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Mother, Child and The Giving Tree

There can be no denying life was designed so we all experience some similar transitions. And most times transitions are not so easy on us. That's why they are called transitions, they take time, usually stages in order to get through them. Some transitions call for periods of short adjustment, other times it might take longer periods of time to recover your pace and sense of normalcy. Then there are those things that just hang in there, albeit they might be normally occurring events in life, I am finding they seem to cause periods that can come and go. The kinds of things you know, where they re-visit you about the time you think you have a handle on them. That's just what happened to me again last evening.

It was late into the night and I awoke. As sometimes occurs in those moments, my thoughts turned to memories of when my children were all home under one roof. The times I knew they were all safely tucked in their beds, life was simple, quiet and rich. My children filled my life with many hours of laughter, love and tender moments back then, which are now life-giving for me to recall. This is not at all to say that I don't enjoy and treasure the wonderful times I have with my adult children, but we all realize the times when our children were small were just seemingly...magical.

Anyway, I lay there tears flowing both from sense of accomplishment and sadness. I found myself experiencing one of those moments that can sneak up on you leaving you with a longing for those days that we know will only return as memories.

I was missing my small children who once needed their mother, wishing to be with her and spend time with her as much as to have a new toy. I eased back into my pillow and purposed myself to focus, to be consoled with the assurance that my children's lives, their good hearts, kind spirits and successes related to me that they had learned well. That I was a good mother and I had given my heart's worth and with great reward. I had passed treasure into sturdy constructed vessels, who would live life well as grateful and good stewards of all that had been given them, honoring all I had spent while purchasing some part of that. 

It is a curiosity to me to say the least, of how life has been designed. That this matter which brings you greatest joy, being a mother, seeing your children launched into wonderful lives, often offers such deep sadness in the letting go. It is as if life demands you must offer your heart fully open and aware, choosing to welcome the deep valleys of sadness in order to be blessed with the opportunity to experience the ecstasy of the mountain peaks.

Last night a little book came to mind which many of you might have on your own shelves at home, "The Giving Tree", by Shel Silverstein. I purchased the book many years ago for my then two small boys. Each of my children had their favorite books that I would read to them. However, my eldest son almost always wished for me to read to him from this particular book, and I would do so often. 

My heart was always warmed by the love expressed in the tale, by the closeness expressed in the relationship. The story is that of a small boy who longed to play beneath the shelter and protection of the tree he loved, the tree that loved the boy in return sacrificially giving everything. 

As beautiful a tale as it was I was always saddened a little as I read. For I knew one day soon my own children would be growing up. Leaving far behind us the days of playing and sharing close moments, our moments. I knew life would change, relationships would evolve and they would travel onward without me.  As written in the book, "And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away."

The relationship of mother and child, the life that is lived out between them, the sharing...all treasures. If you peered closely enough it could seem to be only one life at times. It is all an awesome thing to behold and to have entrusted unto one. The experience possesses a life of its own. For you are both a part of, and yet outside of this breathing instant which wisps so very quickly past. 

As glorious of an experience which it all is, at times it is the most heart wrenching of all relationships. "And the tree was happy...but not really," as Shel Silverstein understood and wrote in his book.

As a mother we realize, although not intentional, the purpose of the mother/child relationship is; we are teaching our children whom we love more than life how to grow up and be successful at leaving us.

However, the book gives moms and children alike reprieve as it goes on to say at its end:

...”the boy returns very old, the tree is but an old stump.” The tree says, "I have nothing left to give you”...recalling the apples, branches, limbs and trunk are all gone (never insinuating regret). The tree still wished it had something to offer the boy and was sorry for its lack. The boy then says, "I don't need very much now...just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired." At that point the tree straightened herself up as much as she could and said, "well an old stump is good for sitting and resting." She offered all she had left...and the boy, now an old man, finding himself having lived life and returning full circle, accepts the comfort he recalled from long past...he sat, resting on the happy tree.

Well, I like to share my own experience hoping that it helps others to realize we really are similar in many ways. To remind others that we are not alone. We are all in this together. That we connect by an "act" of relating...thus the process is called "forging relationships."

It takes courage to be connected. It takes not allowing yourself to be offended or discouraged by failed attempts to connect.

Just get back up and try once again. 
I'm a champ at trying again, and I still have not mastered it as of yet.

Today, I just liked sharing this story about connecting with a book, its author, myself and my children, and hopefully with you :D

Hope you enjoyed this our story as well.

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